2011-10-23

Bernard Madoff to the rescue

Several MM bloggers have recently likened central banks to Chuck Norris. Now comes the Onion and suggests that Bernard Madoff might be able to save the economy that even Chuck Norris could not manage to save.

After determining the current economic emergency could not be resolved "within conventional means," Treasury Department agents reportedly confronted the notorious Madoff in his solitary confinement cell and proposed a mutually beneficial arrangement that will make the 73-year-old a free man if he can safely "get in and out" and turn the failing financial system around by Friday.
"We told him the situation—how our country can't seem to generate wealth and investment nationwide has hit rock bottom—and then we asked him, point-blank, 'Can you help us?'" Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner said of Madoff, known to fellow prisoners at Butner Federal Correctional Complex as "Mad Dog." "Believe me, no one wants to do this monster any favors, but he's the only man in America with the skills to rally investor confidence and conjure money out of thin air. This time, though, he'll be using his talents for good—if we can keep him on a tight enough leash, that is."
If only we had a central bank that could conjure money out of thin air and rally investor confidence that nominal GDP will rise sharply over the next few years.

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